return my video game
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
