mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
