What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
