In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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