'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So many bounce houses so little time
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
