the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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