I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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