I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
