It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
