So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
