he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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