Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
