i think i have herpe
just one?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
