Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
