so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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