Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
