My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
bring money and cleavage
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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