and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
