Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
