I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
