I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
