Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
