wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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