Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
