So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
