Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
