Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
