just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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