Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
