Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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