After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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