I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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