Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
