I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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