That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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