they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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