You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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