ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
