So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
