Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
