I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
