I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
