You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Randomize
