If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
third nipple confirmed
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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