Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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