Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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