I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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