Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
