Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
