This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
