I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
