I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
