hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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