I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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